splitseconddecision:

thneedneedler:

samkind:

wilbursexual:

nahchillhomebro:

Bolin is the cartoon embodiement of every nice guy you’ve ever turned down. Please please please stop reblogging photosets of him saying “omg Bolin is so perfect” and “omg be real”  because if he was real you’d shit on his soul just like Korra did..

Hm. This “Nice Guy” phenomenon is really kind of pathetic - a guy gets turned down by a couple of women and concludes that women must automatically like assholes and be out to destroy the souls of good, kindhearted men. His proof for this is that he was rejected, even though he is clearly such a nice guy.

Let’s examine the reverse, shall we? I am a straight woman, average looks, average weight, highly educated, and a decent, loyal, honest person in general. I have never been on a date, never been asked out, never been kissed.* I have fallen for several guys, and let my attraction to them be known, and been let down every time. One of those guys is still my friend, and is in fact one of my best friends. I’m still friends with him not because I am waiting for him to suddenly realize how awesome I am and fall desperately in love with me (I got over that crush a long time ago), but because he is an awesome person and tolerates my blathering about things he doesn’t give two shits about and I trust him to give me good, un-sugar-coated advice.

I am unhappy being single, but do I blame men in general for this? Do I assume that all men must be attracted only to bitchy, mean, horrible women? No, because I am not that stupid. I am not so arrogant as to believe that just because I have good qualities, people must automatically want to date me over anyone else. I don’t assume that I am superior to other women. I don’t vilify men for not wanting me.

And really, I don’t think most women do, either, no matter how self-deprecatingly they may view themselves, and no matter how many times they are rejected. So why the “Nice Guy” phenomenon? Why is this a problem with so many men?

Society has instilled in men the idea that they deserve to be adored by women simply for existing. Most men don’t fall for this self-aggrandizing ideal, which is a very good thing, but those who do are the ones who fall into the categories of misogynists and “Nice Guys” (not mutually exclusive).

For women, the reverse is true - in order to be loved, society tells us that women must behave in a certain way (and look a certain way). We must be loyal. We must cook well, we must clean well. We must keep our heads down. We must agree with the men in our lives. We must not have strong opinions. We must present ourselves as sexual objects but not use our sexuality as a “weapon.” We must be sexy, but only for one man, and if we break this rule, we are sluts. We must be content with our place in the world. We must be pretty. We must take care of men because they “provide” for us. While women are breaking free of this construct, it is still prevalent, especially in the US today. These “rules” are not set in stone, but they are in the back of our mind. They are expectations, and if we do not meet at least some of these expectations, we are unworthy of love. According to society, we are not entitled to affection by simply existing, as men are.

Posts like this one above are problematic not only because they perpetuate the “Nice Guy” myth (that men who are kind to women deserve romantic or sexual feelings in repayment), but also because they attempt to shame women for having the agency to form an opinion about a (fictional) man. This post attempts to tell women that they are wrong about being attracted to the qualities that a character presents (because if he were “real” they’d “shit on his soul”). It attempts to shame women for rejecting men they are not attracted to, and it does this because of the idea that men are entitled to women’s love. Women are not allowed the agency to make that decision, but men are.

((* I have been groped in a club once or twice by strangers, but this only serves to illustrate my point that men are socially “entitled” to women’s bodies, without having to obtain consent or even, in this case, to be “nice” in exchange for copping a feel.))